Perseverance and Grit

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:3-5

None of us want to suffer. And we don’t want to hurt. But life happens and at times we do indeed suffer. The scripture above tells us, at the end of the suffering there is hope. Now that’s one thing we can wrap our minds around.  

In today’s blog post, we’ll look at perseverance through our suffering to find the promised hope in the end.

Being hopeful means, you have something in your life you hope will change. We hope for all sorts of things. Our marriages, our kids, for that new position, and so on.

Dilemma

We’d been married about ten years when, due to circumstances that only God could orchestrate, I found myself sitting in church. I couldn’t tell you what the sermon was about that day, but it touched me deeply within my soul.

I felt I was home. This was what my life had been missing. A relationship with God. My marriage was difficult, we seemed to argue all the time, and neither of us were happy.

Over the following months I started going to church regularly and learned about who Christ was and how I fit into his plan.

However, my husband wasn’t on board. It took perseverance to continue.

Struggle

My heart was pulled in two directions. On one hand my mind and heart were being filled with fresh new ideas about who Christ was and all that he did for us, and on the other hand, my husband didn’t want to have anything to do with it. 

I prayed. I had other’s praying. I had to persevere if I was going to keep my marriage together.

At a bible study that week we read a scripture which became my mantra.

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives. 1 Peter 3:1

Back then we struggled in our marriage, and my going to church definitely stirred the pot.

But there was no way I was giving up going to church nor was I giving up on my marriage. Perseverance!

For the following six months, I pleaded, and tried my best to guilt my husband into coming with me to church. But nothing worked.

Insight

Finally one day during my quiet time, I realized I was trying to change my husbands heart myself. I wasn’t waiting on God. I was trying to do the Holy Spirit’s work myself. It wasn’t my place to change my husband.

My place was to “win him without a word,” just as scripture said I should do, and wait.

I had to change my own character at the core. I had to exhibit perseverance!

I stopped asking him to come with me to church or to bible studies. And I stopped trying to make him feel guilty for not wanting to come.

I began being nicer to him. I made his favorite meals and desserts. When we were at odds with one another I didn’t keep on until it turned into a fight. I let him win, (they were silly arguments anyway.) I simply tried to show him I loved him, just the way he was.

I prayed for him and for myself. I asked God to change me and my attitudes. My husband never asked me to stop going to church for which I was thankful. It simply wasn’t for him.

Hope

Over some time, our marriage slowly began to improve. Our children became happier and even stopped arguing with me on Sunday mornings about going to church. At the time, our son was a teenager. He didn’t understand if dad was staying home, why he couldn’t. It had been a constant battle. But it soon stopped.

Discovery

Once I backed off, the Holy Spirit could work in my husband’s life.

A few months later, a group of people from my bible study were getting together at one of their homes for an afternoon of fun and food, and we were invited. He’d agreed to go.

The men had a volleyball game going on in the back yard and invited my husband to come out and participate.

I could feel his eyes rolling, but he agreed. They played a couple games, and he stayed out back while the owner of the house grilled burgers, talking with the other men.

On the way home, something was different. I asked if he’d had a fun time. His response astounded me.

“Yes, I did. It was so strange. I’ve never played a game with a group of guys before where they didn’t try and call a ball inbounds when it wasn’t. Today, when the ball was out of bounds, they said it was out of bounds. And they cheered on the other side when they played well. It was very strange. They were nice guys.”

You can imagine my elation. I was so afraid he would think them boorish or too goody-two-shoes. But instead, he liked them.

No one at the party invited him to come to church. We all had it in common, but they didn’t make my husband feel uncomfortable. They accepted him just as he was.

Encouragement

The following Sunday, he came to church with me. My perseverance had paid off. It felt so good to go as a family. My heart was full to the brim.

It took a good year until my husband came regularly and sat beside me at church. And a lot happened in that year which changed both of us. But perseverance and God won out.

I still praise God for turning our life around back then. Our marriage was not headed down a good path.

Now fifty years later, we pray together, have bible studies in our home, he even became an elder in our church at the time. And yes, we still go to church together.

Do you have perseverance to take you through your trials? Or to go after that dream? Perseverance takes grit. How gritty are you?

Find your own Perseverance Level – Your Grit Score

Is there a hope in your life? A dream perhaps?

Are you ready to:

• Speak at that conference
• Write a book, a song, paint or draw
• Fix your marriage
• Find that perfect job
• Buy a house
• Learn a second language
• Learn to play an instrument

A few years back, I found the results from this exercise insightful. I hope you will too.

We need passion and perseverance to accomplish any change we hope to make within us. In Angela Duckworth’s book, Grit, she quantifies grit through a self-assessment tool which she developed.

The Grit Test:

Below are a number of statements that may or may not apply to you. There are no right or wrong answers, so just answer honestly, considering how you compare to most people. At the end, you’ll tally a score that reflects how passionate and persevering you see yourself to be.

For each of the 10 statements below, assign a number from the list.

1. Not like me at all
2. Not much like me
3. Somewhat like me
4. Most Like me
5. Very much like me

The 10 statements:

1. New ideas and projects sometimes distract me from previous ones.
2. Setbacks don’t discourage me.
3. I often set a goal but later choose to pursue a different one.
4. I am a hard worker.
5. I have difficulty maintaining my focus on projects that take more than a few months to complete.
6. I finish whatever I begin.
7. My interests change from year to year.
8. I am diligent. I never give up.
9. I have been obsessed with a certain idea or project for a short time but later lost interest.
10. I have overcome setbacks to conquer an important challenge.

For overall Grit score: Add all your numbers together and divide by 10:

Perseverance total = _____ divided by 10 = ______ Grit Score

The chart below indicates how your scores compare to a large sample of American adults. For example, if your score is 3.8, you are grittier than 50% of adults in the study sample.

Grit Score Chart:

Resource: Angela Duckworth, Grit, 2016

Conclusion

Whatever your big dreams are, if it doesn’t go against God’s will for your life, He is most likely the one who put it on your heart.

I want to encourage you to persevere until you attain your dream. Even if it means you must suffer for a season and go through a little character building. You’ve got this!

Contact me. Let me know how it goes. Angela@angelamillercurtis.com.